a podcast by Pawlean

My initial progress on my intentions for 2021 — “Serenity”

February 11, 2021 Pauline Narvas Season 1 Episode 11
a podcast by Pawlean
My initial progress on my intentions for 2021 — “Serenity”
Show Notes Transcript

Hello friends! Thank you for joining me for today’s podcast episode all about manifesting my word for 2021 — Serenity. Since we’re already a month into the year, I’ll be talking about my progress so far and what I’ve been doing to progress on my intentions. Will I finally have a year where I actually take a break, chill the f out and realise that I have the time? Keep me accountable y’all.

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Hello, everyone, welcome to a podcast by Pauline. I'm your host, Pauline Narvas. And I just want to say, Happy New Year, Happy 2021 or 2020, part two. So I haven't I sort of took a break for the first month of 2021, just because I started a new job. And I really wanted to get into settling in to that role. And just trying to get back into the swing of things after a long but much needed time off over four weeks. Yeah, happy, happy New Year. Thank you for joining today. This is I think, my 11th podcast episode, which I'm very, very excited about as as the new year has kicked off, I've been thinking about what I want to do this year, and sort of like reframing my position in terms of goals and expectations this year and stuff like that, which is actually what we're going to talk about today.

At the end of 2020, it was just like, every other year I've had, and obviously, it was a weird year. But I still had a bit of structure, I still had my goals that I was working towards and completing. And it pretty much ended, like every single year where I felt quite chaotic. There were so many things going on, I had so many fingers in different pies, and I was just trying to finish everything. And you know, by the time it got to the 31st of December, I was really happy and really proud of everything that I managed to do in 2020, despite everything that happened outside of my control, so I was just really happy with that. But then, you know, it got to a point where I think it must have just been because 2020 was such a weird year, I saw like sat back and I was like,

What am I doing?

With, I feel like a lot of us have had this is sort of moments over the past few months. But yeah, I just sort of sat back and I was like, okay, I've closed off another year, I feel like I've achieved a lot. And now I need to sit down and rush towards war, you know, towards that planning for the next year, because I do a lot of planning, I plan a few years, you know, advanced even though it's not like super detailed, I still have a general plan of what I want to do. And so, you know, I sort of already thought about 2021. And what I've wanted to achieve, I had sort of a list brewing after looking at my, my 2020 goals and you know, sort of refocusing on what I I want to do. And then I was just like, why am I even doing this, there's a long list here, like, I don't know, hundreds or, you know, of tasks that I've set myself have got that I will turn into goals. And I was just like, this happens every year, and I'm fed up.

I'm just, I'm tired, I'm really, really tired. So I you know, it must have just, it was probably a mixture of things, but I've been wanting to like switch it up a bit. And I've been wanting to

calm down a bit and stop, you know, running on this on this invisible treadmill. Because that's, that's what I feel like I'm doing I feel like I'm on the treadmill running constantly. And if you follow me on social media, you know how much I hate running.

I just want to get off and I've just been on it on this treadmill so much for so many years. So you know what I remember when I was planning for the year ahead. And I was just like, you know what, screw my plan, screw this long list of things I wanted to do. In the following year, I want to go with the flow. I want to just, you know, calm down and want to change my mindset from someone who is constantly on constantly ambitious for the next big thing. And you know, never really taking it all in when it came around to writing my blog post. So this is a blog post I write every single year. It's the first blog post I wrote in a new year. And I again, it was one of those things I had already got this like sort of structure plan looking back at my 2020 and then what I'm looking forward to in 2021 and just a list of my goals and you know if you go on

blog pulling.com and go on to archives and the 365 days category, you can actually go through all of the blog posts I've written every single year, if you are interested, every single year, I have a say the same structure. And I'm like, Okay, these are my goals for the next year. This is why it's important to me, and this is how I'm going to do it. It's quite, it's still quite high level, but like in my own, like personal journals and like task management

for my life.

So, yeah, from that it's a bit more detailed, since I've been prepared for my next foot for this new 2021 blog posts with my goals that I've been thinking about over the past few months. And, again, I said, like I said earlier, I already had numerous things that I wanted to do. And it was just a matter of organizing them into different sections, and then going through them like that. So yeah, I had the old one. And then when it came to, when I saw just sat down, I was like thinking about it, I was like, actually, I'm so fed up, I'm so fed off of like constantly grinding and hustling folks know how much I hate that word. Like, it's, I hate the word hustling. But but that's that's exactly what I've been doing. And so that led to writing this blog post and sort of starting again from from scratch. And if you go on my blog, and read the, this year's post about my, you know, my reflection on 2020, around, you know, what I achieved in my career health, online, personal finance in the environment, and some other achievements, it's all really great. My moments of learning, and, and yeah, that's all fantastic. But then when it got to the, like, 2021 part and my plans for that.

I, my, my main goal was like finding contentment in, in the new year, and my phone, so I have a focus word for every year. And normally, it's always like, geared towards achieving the next big thing or like, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and, you know, daring myself to be a bit bold to do something new. And I and yeah, you know, I was before I sort of stepped back and I was like, fuck this, I want to start again.

I had all these words wherever you like pumping myself up for the next year. And, you know, it might sound silly, but these these words have like worked for me. They're like my grounding words for the for the year, and it's worked every single year. And it's always been, really, it's been like sort of a driving force for me, which, which has been lovely. And so this year, I was like, No, I'm gonna start again, and I want to do something else. And it got to this word, serenity. And it's, it's a lovely, lovely word. It's, you know, I've put a definition on my on my blog, it's the state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. achieving this positive state of mind means you won't feel as troubled by life's ups and downs, while addiction often brings chaos, a loss of control and emotional turmoil. serenity will help you stay calm and true to yourself. And if I'm being honest with you, over the past few years, there have been times where, you know, life's gone up and down. But there have been times where I've always just been like, Well, I know, it sucks right now. But I know that I'm just gonna keep charging forward. And it was always that attitude, like, no matter if I kept, you know, telling myself, I'm burnt out, I need to take a break, or I need to like step back and reevaluate, I would always just be in the position of charging ahead and see what happens and that, that chaotic behavior is something that, you know, has has its upsides and it's it's definitely a strength in some cases, but I sort of also identify as something but it's just not sustainable. And I wouldn't say like, I want to completely stop making these bold moves and completely stopped like motivating myself. It's not about that. It's it's more about, like, realizing that right now in my life at the young age of 24, turning 25 this year, I still have a lot of time. It's not a race. It's not about trying to become the youngest person to do X. Like I don't really care about those stuff. So why am I trying like, it's not a personal value. So why am I doing it, you know, and so, and so yeah, that was sort of like the motivation behind this this year for me

As I wrote, in my blog post, I actually what inspired this whole thinking was me, finally leaving my, my first tech job and then having some downtime. So, and, you know, just reflecting on some of the conversations I've had recently, and one of the conversations I had was, as I put on my blog post, I recently met with a few of my former colleagues, and we discussed how work had been lately. And one of my colleagues, I don't know if they listen to my podcast, but they might know who they are. But one of them had like, actually said that they're really just moving with life, and they're just moving along at work, and just enjoying the days as they come. And that's that sort of thinking was something that I've never had in a very long time. Like, I've never just said, Oh, I'll just have the, I'll just take the days as they call them. It's like, whatever, blah, blah, blah, like, I've never had that before. It's it sort of sucks. And it's sort of sad.

Because I, you know, every time I go to work, I'm always like, Okay, I need to achieve this. And each achieve that, instead of just like, going with the flow, you know, and maybe it's the environment I work in, I work in a in a squad, and in an engineering team, maybe it's like, the way just agile ceremonies and structure works. And maybe I've just sort of adapted to that in my own life as well. But, but yeah, just haven't hopped on, it was just really refreshing to hear. And so, you know, like I said, on my blog post, our society today glorifies this constant hustle, and I've been a massive part of it, like I said, you know, which has caused me to have work with myself put my mental health and relationships on the line and forget what is essential. So like, when I realized this, I wanted to shift my focus away from that hustle and grind and, you know, move towards manifesting feelings of contentment more often, because I feel like, I just haven't felt content in a very, very long time, because I'm always rushing for the next thing, it's almost like I'm rushing for the next dopamine hit, because that's what it is, if I'm being honest with you, like, you know, achieving something, and, you know, talking about it, and, you know, being proud of it and speaking about is, it's a dopamine hit for a lot of people. And for me, it's definitely a dopamine hit. So I sort of just was like, you know, what I want to like, really back alive, I just want to just calm down and take, you know, be proud of what I've done so far, but not always rushing to the next thing to, you know, further myself, because it's just, it's just not sustainable at all.

In short, I think this year, I just want to feel more content, I want to be more intentional, and others want to take stock a little bit, you know.

So now we're in February, and a month has passed. So I wanted to just update you on how I've approached this next bit of my life now. And if, if, like I have done everything I've wanted to do, in terms of like taking stock and being more intentional for for the first month. So I think the biggest thing that's happened to me in January was starting my new role as a DevOps engineer in a new company, which is I'm just super excited about. And you know, I've had everyone who has spoken to me and asked me how I've been getting on, I think all I've been saying is just glowing, the positive reviews because I've had a fantastic onboarding experience, despite everything, being remotes right now. But, you know, I'm definitely I definitely leaped out of my previous tech job and did did the right thing. And you know, it's perfect for my own, like, learning and like future developments and stuff.

And yet, it's fantastic. I'm really enjoying myself. But I have to say, like, the first like, few weeks, I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure that I learned as much as possible, as quickly as possible. And that is unsustainable, like I've mentioned before. And so I, you know, when I started recognizing that, you know, I'm trying to go full speed ahead, trying to learn everything trying to contribute straightaway. And you know, it wasn't just me as well, like other people. My squad were like, you know, mentioned and I was like, Oh, yeah, it's it's happening again, it's like, it's just who I am. That's just how I work. But you know, as soon as I got these reminders, and I became, you know, more intentional and mindful about that. I was like, You know what, yeah, I need to slow down. Take my time. I mean,

in no rush at all, I'm in no rush with my learning or, you know, contributing, I'm here for the long term. And, you know, I just want to make sure that I learn in a sustainable rate. And I think the other thing in my life that has, you know, helped me further solidify, that, like idea of serenity has actually been my approach towards social media, I tweeted an early January about how Instagram is one of those apps that I can endlessly go and just look at things I could always, I'm always scrolling on, I'm always like, looking at other people's accounts, finding new accounts, finding them really interesting, and, you know, connecting with a lot of people, which is, which is absolutely fantastic. And never get bored of it. Whereas I've mentioned that other social media platforms, I get bored of very, very quickly. So I'm not someone who could go on Twitter and like scroll for hours, like I get bored of reading. I don't know, I don't know, maybe, maybe that's just me, but like, looking at pictures and stuff. For me. It's just, it's more addictive. And so I wanted to take a mindful decision this year to sort of just reduce my Instagram usage. And also, I was trying to get away from all of the Instagram posts that are inevitable at this time of year in January 1, where everyone's talking about hustling to everyone's talking about goals, everyone's talking about like, their, what they want to do in the next year. And sometimes that fuels adds fuel to the fire for me and make it switches on that, like, Okay, I need to rush. And I need to run Full speed ahead in order to like, match what other people are doing, or at least like, you know, just be on the same level as them because I can't be left behind. And it's that like FOMO. And, like obsession, that I just feel like other social media platforms don't really give me that. But it's Instagram, for some reason, just does that to me. And I feel like I am a competitive person. But I feel like it brings out a bad side of my competitiveness. So. So yeah, I decided just to take a bit of a break from it. And at first, I was thinking of just going for a cold turkey. But I actually really enjoy the, like I said, making those connections and like talking to friends, and especially right now, like it's my main source of, you know, catching up with all my friends who I can't see right now, because, you know, stories and all of that on Instagram is probably one of the best things that the platform has created, to be honest. And so I use this app called threads, which is also an app made by Instagram. And it's just basically like Snapchat, you sort of only consume that story content, which for me was, is just a lot more sustainable and a lot more healthy for for my mental health. And for just my general approach this year. It's been, it's just been great because I've felt a lot more connected to the most important people, but also just felt like my usage on Instagram and Instagram Stories has just reduced massively. And it's, it's perfect. It's been it's worked so well, for me, it's been almost a month since I've, since I've done this. And I've not really gone on Instagram, the Instagram app unless I wanted to, like post a picture or something. And I usually do that through my iPad. And so I never really scrolled it's literally just post and then quit. But it's been great because I feel like I'm less reactive. And I feel like I'm I compare less of, you know, what I've done that month, or what I'm doing even daily and stuff like that. And it's been, it's been great. And I think I could actually see myself doing this long term because my, my head feels a lot lighter. I feel like there's less noise and it's just, it's just lovely. I want to

do it more, really.

So that further helped with my goals in so that further helped with you know, feeling a lot more content and being more intentional with social media. Another aspect is actually blogging for me, and you know, I've been blogging weekly since 2017. So that is a lot of blog posts. I saw a blog mostly for my mental health and I've talked about this before on like several talks and on Twitter and stuff like that, but I mostly blog for me. It's always nice to get messages from people so like your blog like gave me an insight on there.

Like now I want to start working out. Now I want to get into tech. And now I want to go on to the BT grad scheme. And it's all fantastic. And I'm really, really happy that my blog has had that impact and that value like, every year, at the end of the year, I look at my stats, I don't look at them, often, it's only at the end of the year. And every time I see the huge numbers that I'm seeing now, I feel like super overwhelmed, because I'm like, Oh, my God, I can't believe that. This is, you know, people actually reading it. And I used to be super happy when at least one person who wasn't me was reading my own blog post. So it's fantastic. And it's grown so much. And I'm hoping that in years to come, it continues to be a valuable place for people to find inspiration or to to like, find out another perspective of someone who is probably living like a completely different life, I don't know. Because that's what blogging was all we're always about. Back in the day, it was about a blogging community of people who didn't, you know, we were all just talking about our lives and what our lives were like. And it was nice just to connect through that, it's always been that it's, I'll always be advocating for personal blogging. But

but but yeah, so with blogging, I decided that I'm going to try and relax how many times a, in a year, I'm blogging, because I felt like, especially near the end of last year, I started like putting out content just to put out content for that week. And it, it got to a point now it's been a few years, where it became all about quality quantity, rather than quality. And, you know, like, I have all of these great ideas, and I genuinely have so many more ideas that I want to write about. But you know, it's, the more, the more I stay in this space, the more I you know, hear from people who read my stuff and who engage with my content, the more I realize that actually, when I write something, or when I publish something, it's, it's there for life, it's there for a very, very long time. And so a lot of people still read my previous blog posts from years ago, and they still get value from it. And it's that that sort of like clicked in my head, and I was like, wow, I don't really need to post a blog post every single week, I just need to make sure that the posts that I do


quality. And so you know, that they're of such high quality that they live on, and they have that like, high shelf shelf life, you know, and so yeah, so I've decided just to like relax a little bit with blogging, I'm not gonna really put a number I'm just gonna, you know, publish a blog post that I've taken, like, a lot of time and effort writing, and, you know, editing and making sure that it's readable and accessible to people. And, you know, just focusing on that, it's not going to be about like,

you know, quantity anymore. So I'm expecting, I'll be reducing the amount of blog posts that I write, but you know, over the past month in January, actually ended up writing for very high quality blog posts. Or it might have been five actually for every single week. And yeah, that was completely out of habit. It was completely out of habit just to like publish something that week. But at the same time, like I did have a lot more time for the first two weeks in January, because I hadn't started my new job yet. So I had that time to write a good quality blog post and a couple of them. So, so that was nice. So yeah, that's that's my approach towards that. And I'm hoping that it carries on for the next few months. And another thing I wanted to talk about is like events and features. So naturally, every single year, this is something that I always jump on. So no matter what it is, whenever someone asked me to speak at an event, even if it's just a small event with like three people, or if it's like a larger full scale events, like for something like International Women's Day or national coding weak and and stuff like that. I'm always like the first one to put my hand up and be like, let me add value. Let me help out. I want to be a part of this. And so this year, I decided that actually I'm not going to do that I really want to be picky. I want to pick and choose what I want to attendance and what's I want to speak up Yeah, I definitely want to like take a bit more

of a mindful approach towards like speaking

And being featured in places because you can be featured everywhere. And it's all like great publicity is great for your personal brand or whatever. But when it doesn't really like matter that much, and it doesn't truly align with your goals or your values, then what is the point of it. And that is, again, it's taking more of that quality approach rather than quantity, which is I feel over the past few years, that's quantity approach is sort of goes hand in hand with, you know, fully just charging ahead and seeing what happens. And so I'm definitely just trying to make a better habit of taking a step back and taking stock and being a bit more intentional with my choices.

Thank you so much for listening. That is it for today's episode. As always, this episode inspired you and you want to chat some more about your intentions for 2021 get in touch with me, you can find me on social media. Also, I wanted to do a quick plug that if you want to support me, and you know you've really enjoyed the podcast, I recently updated my support me page on my blog. So if you go on palling.com slash support me, you'd find all the different ways you can support me from buying me a burrito for example, or, you know, using my affiliate links are several companies that I truly believe in and that I fully support myself that would help me a ton. So thanks again. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day.